Testicles

We spend the afternoon immersed in histological slides of reproductive organ pathology.  Yeah, I know, it sounds horribly boring, and it is. We have to learn about all sorts of cancers. Who knew there were so many kinds? Carcinoma, adenoma, sarcoma, of everybody part you can imagine. Not only that, but the cancers can only truly be diagnosed by looking at slides of tissue under a microscope. We all desperately try to see the differences between the slides. Well, this one here looks pink and purple and this other looks, well, pink and purple. OK, this one here, the circles are darker purple than the other slide and on this slide the pink is more pink and whorled. The pathologists that are there to help us see the very subtle differences between cerise, puce, rose and coral pink, seem to get a little frustrated that we just don’t see what they see. “Do you see what I see.” Starts playing in my head. I found it appropriate as it is near Christmas time.

Next they bring out gross specimens. While they are actually gross at times, like a teratoma, which is tumor that grows hair, teeth, and pus, gross means whole body parts verses slides of tissue. Since today is dedicated to the man, his parts, and what kinds of cancers those parts can get, we are looking at gross male specimens. First up, the prostate. Nothing to exciting there. Next up, the testicles. There were about 4 different specimens. The one that stood out the most was a singular large testicle. By large I mean orange size. How on earth does a testicle get that big without being noticed? My group at this station consisted of women. No men. Even the pathologist was a woman. We all tried to wrap out minds around a testicle that large. Those less familiar with testicles, didn’t realize how large this thing was. While I do not have testicles, I couldn’t see how a guy could let this go. It had to be uncomfortable. Did he wear whitie tighties and then have to switch to briefs to accommodate his growing testicle? Didn’t he think it was strange that only one testicle was growing and the other remained small? The pathologist talked about how this was relatively common. Not that the cancer was common, but that they would regularly see testicles this large. She made a remark about men being stubborn and don’t go to their doctors often. “He probably thought it was awesome that his testicle was getting better.” As I said it, everyone at the table gave me a sideways glance. “Well, he probably thought he was super manly and his testicle was getting larger as proof of his testosterone levles and the other testicle was whimpy.” We all laughed. Silly men.

That leads us to the penis table. The specimens were riddled with cancer and barely recognizable. They were penectomy specimens. For those less familiar with a penectomy, it’s the medical version of a “Lorena Bobbit.” Now this was truly incompressible to me. I get the big testicle thing and not going to the doctor because your balls are bigger and you think its cool, but your penis? It just doesn’t grow. Well, I take that back, but it doesn’t normally have growths. Again, I don’t have these parts, but I lived with one for a long time. I enjoyed its company. I saw how its owner coddled and caressed it regularly. I would think that with the regular attention penis’ get from their owners, a growth would have been noticed and they would have immediately gone to the doctor. Generally, at first sign of trouble with this device, men seek out viagra or younger women to invigorate themselves. The men whose specimens were on the table did not do that. The penis’ had growths so extensive their penis’ had to be removed completely. I mean completely. It’s not just a removal of a mole or something. These men are walking around penis-less. I can’t even imagine.