I have a brain tumor

I have a brain tumor. I am convinced of it. How do I know. Well the signs and symptoms of course. For starters, I get headaches. Not all the time, but regularly enough and then you add the migraine with aura into the mix and that has to be an indication for tumor. There is also the weird numb pain I get in my left arm on occasion when I am stressed. This can not possibly be stress, MS, or a stroke. It can only be a tumor. A brain tumor. And then most recently the thing that has me utterly convinced is the runny nose. Yes, I said it. A runny nose. How could that possibly lead to a brain tumor? Well, let me explain this to you. So every time I lean my head below my heart, my nose runs. I don’t mean like a singular bugger making its great gravity assisted escape, I mean a stream of clear liquidly snot that runs out in a stream. Okay, I hear it. How on earth is this related to a tumor? Well, the clear fluid is clearly CSF, as result of a tumor having eroded away at the sphenoid bone creating a pathway for CSF to drain out of my nose. Given the low pressure in the CSF system, the dripping only happens when my head is dropped below the level of my heart. You say that sounds crazy? Ha! It is not crazy. It has to be true because I read of a woman with the exact same symptoms. Can you believe that?! What are the odds? Really? She had a tumor in the same spot and had the same signs and symptoms as me. And in an effort to convince you of the truth about this, the CSF tastes metallic. At first I thought it was blood, but it was not. On a quick google search find the cause of the taste, I came across a site that says that CSF has a metallic taste. There you go. Proof! The internet may be full of lies, but this particular website was not one of them. How do I know that, you ask? Well, the website looked nice and professional, therefore making it reputable, that’s how I know. So, there.

I have a brain tumor. It has nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with the fact that I am a paranoid medical student with too much knowledge and very little practical experience to apply it. No, it has everything to do with the fact that my bizarre constellation of signs and symptoms can only be explained by a brain tumor. Now the next big question you are asking, is if I am going to get it checked out and the answer to that is really quite simple. No. I do not want to be “that” medical student that goes to the doctors office with this obviously bizarre set of signs and symptoms that can only be explained by brain tumor, because the doctor will brush me off as a hypochondriac. Can you believe that? A hypochondriac! So, no, I will save myself the embarrassment and humiliation of going, and just stay home and read about my tumor on the internet.